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ONEWHEEL Y’ALL…

OneWheel Pic

 

Yeah, so I bought a OneWheel the other day.

What’s a OneWheel? It’s basically an electric-powered skateboard (see above). It charges off a standard wall outlet with a battery pack, similar to laptop computer. A full charge seems to take about twenty minutes. A standard OneWheel gets about 12 miles in range and reaches top speeds of fifteen miles per hour. I, of course, bought the premium model – 18 miles of range and tops out at 21 miles per hour.

I don’t see myself approaching 21 miles per hour anytime soon.

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HELLO NASHVILLE!!!

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I’ve been in Nashville for almost three weeks now. In that time, I’ve conducted a Sherman’s March to the Sea of consumer credit destruction throughout downtown as well as short hit-and-run missions into the Gulch and East Nashville. Reviewing my credit card statements on the first of the month brought on a sense of dread.

Realizing, in actuality, that I compiled those numbers in less than fifteen (15) days invoked a sense of something akin to Shock & Awe.

I could probably use my refrigerator for storage at this juncture. If I didn’t need ice cubes for my whiskey (why is whiskey more expensive in Tennessee than New Hampshire?!) I could probably unplug that appliance altogether.

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Until Further Notice

Further updates must be tabled until the packing of my accumulated crap and transportation of said crap to Nashville is complete.

This is bittersweet. Updating this blog has been my favorite method of procrastinating from the packing of the accumulated crap. I had many more exhibits which would have richly illustrated the how’s and the why’s of my getting kicked out of New England. I’m worried that once I arrive in Nashville, these items will no longer be newsworthy.

PK is surely down there right now, waiting for me with feverish anticipation. He even posted an instagram story of him doing squats. He’s obviously preparing to help me 2-man my dresser from the loading dock to my apartment on the 21st floor.

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EXHIBIT B

Another factor in getting me kicked out of New England was my friends.

I honestly think I’m a good friend. When it comes to people I’m surrounded by day-in and day-out of my life, I go out of my way to help them. In fact, I actively look for ways to make their lives easier or more fulfilling. Yet, for some reason, nobody ever appreciates my gestures. In fact, my largesse is often met with a degree of hostility.

Below is an example of me going above and beyond to protect and enhance the reputation of my former friend, Chris Mader. Not only has Mader not thanked me, he has broken off all communication!

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Exodus

My bio says I’m located in Nashville. That’s…not exactly true…yet.

I’m still in the Greater Boston Area. I’ll be in Nashville inside of a week, though. I’m currently saddled with the most objectionable task of them all…moving. I’ve spent the past few days packing up all the trifling crap I’ve accumulated here over the years.

To tell the absolute truth. I’m not moving to Nashville so much as getting kicked out of New England. It’s a very long and convoluted story. I’ll try to lend that some clarity over the next couple posts. For example, the following adequately summarizes the relationship I’ve fostered with my neighbors and the local fiefdom, my condo board. Let’s refer to it as exhibit A:

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The Game is Afoot

Bienvenue dans la maelstrom…

It’s going to be great. I can’t wait for the crowd, the noise, the energy in the building…I can’t wait to take that all away from them. — Pernell Karl Subban

 

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